Olive

I do know that was not the best blog post earlier today.  I was postponing the inevitable, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought there was no way to combine a post about my high-on-the-mountain-top experience at Squam with the painful experience on coming home. I'm going to just get it out now and then concentrate on giving you my experience at Squam in a day or two.

About two hours after we returned to the farm on Sunday night, my precious Olive died.  I have cried more than I thought possible for an animal.  It feels especially heavy because it is due to my negligence that she's gone.  She had done a stellar job raising a set of twin lambs, so I can only assume that she was a heavy milker. She had gotten quite thin and I debated on pulling the lambs off before our trip, but decided it would only make things more complicated around here while we were gone.  I opted to wait until we were back from New England.  As we left the Cincinnati airport parking lot and headed toward home, I received a text from our farm sitter saying #1016 was acting very lethargic and not eating.  At first, I didn't even realize that it was Olive because I never even look at her number. She had done what she could to make Olive comfortable, even calling another veterinarian for advice.  When we got to the farm, we went straight to the barn and found Olive very weak, lying in front of the fan.  I gave her a dose of a nutritional drench and tried to coax her to eat and drink, to no avail.  And then, just like that, she was gone.  I still can hardly believe it.  I don't know if the heat from that day stressed her or if something else was going on.  We decided not to take her to the diagnostic lab for necropsy, so we will never know.  In any case, the end result is the same.  She is gone.

As we always do, when we have a rare trip away from the farm together, Mike and I spend a lot of time talking about how complicated our lives are and if we should be trying harder to simplify things by not having so many animals, a smaller garden, a smaller farm, just less to take care of in general, etc., etc.  Frankly, there are times when we both feel overwhelmed and it's nearly always in the springtime when everything is more labor intensive.  We spend most weekends working away trying to keep everyone and everything healthy and feeling like we are just not doing enough. This sad event has caused us to begin that discussion again. Right now, I'm specifically feeling like a failure as a shepherd.  It's very hard for me to lose an animal, though I think after all these years of raising sheep I can be fairly pragmatic about the cycle of life and death on the farm, but losing one that I've bottle raised and grown so attached to feels too painful. So, lots of soul searching going on here.

I promise the next post will be all about how wonderful Squam was and it will make you all want to start saving your money so you can go next year.

Greetings from Squam

(Thanks to Windtream's terrible service, this is the best I can give you for a picture. Guess a trip to Starbucks - 12 miles away - is in my future, if I'm going to post any Squam pictures. Just thought I'd show you what I'm dealing with here.)

 **I began this post while I was at Squam, but internet service was spotty, at best, and I decided to wait until I was home again to tell about my Squammie experience.  Alas, since returning home, I've had a very sad event happen and it's going to take me a few days to be able to write about it.  I hope you'll forgive the delay.  I promise you, I have nothing but wonderful things to say about my time at Squam and I'm looking forward to going again next year.

Good morning from beautiful Squam Lake!  This is my free morning to do whatever I like and I've been sitting on the screened porch of my cabin knitting since early this morning.  The sun is finally shining today.  We've had clouds and showers the whole time I've been here, but it has done nothing to put a damper on the spirit of creativity that seems infused in this place.  I don't believe I have ever been in such a diverse group of women who are so open and sharing.  I'm not sure how many women are here this weekend, but from the noise in the dining hall I'd guess at least 100, most likely more! (turns out it was 200)

Squam Art Workshops are held at Rockywold-Deephaven camp, close to Holderness, New Hampshire.  It's a very old, historic family camp, in the New England tradition.  It was begun in the late 1800's and is one of the few still operating under the same philosophy as when it began.  There is nothing luxurious about this camp setting.  The cabins are wood, un-insulated and fairly rustic.  But, the beauty of the woods and lake, the comraderie of like-minded women and wonderful home cooked meals make up for any lack of posh facilities. I feel as though I'm suspended in time and can't help thinking about all the generations of families who've come here during New England summer

**I have so much, much more to tell you all.   (This is not meant to be a teaser post...I know how some people hate that.)  I'll be back in a day or so to give you the whole story.

Postcards from Maine

(Camden harbor)

Everywhere you look it's a 'Kodak moment'.  Just one beautiful vista after another.  We've had a great time exploring the coast of Maine.  Today is the day I begin my Squam experience.  I have no idea if there will be internet connection at Squam, so if you don't see any new posts here, I'll catch you up on Monday.

Squam

(the view from our window - Penobscot Bay - Belfast, Maine)

It seems so long ago that I sent in my registration for Squam and then kept my fingers crossed that I would actually get in.  And now, the time is here and I'm excited and nervous and worried, all at the same time.  Getting ready to leave the farm for more than a few days is such a complicated procedure.  Usually, by the time I'm in the car, heading down the farm lane, I've decided that it's just not worth it and I'm never doing it again.  Once I'm away, I usually don't worry - until I start home and then it all comes back to me.  This time we have an actual farm sitter with animal experience, so I'm trying to just relax into this little space of rare vacation time.

I've been reading about Squam on lots of different blogs for several years now and it would seem to be a magical place.  I can't wait to experience it.  I won't know another soul when I get there on Wednesday, which makes me a little anxious and is forcing me out of my comfort zone.  Though I'm likely to be one of the oldest Squamies (as they refer to themselves), I'm ready for the adventure. 

In the meantime, Mike and I have taken a few days to explore the coast of Maine.  Today we made the obligatory pilgrimage to the L.L. Bean flagship store in Freeport.  I was here many years ago and it has sure expanded a lot in that amount of time.  Tomorrow we'll go to Camden to see the harbor there and I'm going to check out a new yarn store, "The Cashmere Goat".  Very unusual name!  Mainly, we're here to relax, see a bit of the coast and have as many lobster rolls as we can stand to eat.  While I'm at Squam, Mike and a friend will be hiking a small part of the Appalachia Trail.

I'm going to try posting some pictures in the next few days, but am unsure about internet status after I get to Squam.  If that plan fails, I'll move on to Plan B and post when I get back to the farm. At any rate, more to come!